Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Getting there is half the fun

The series on light is dazzling even me, so while we wait for post number six of seven I would appreciate some transportation advice. I want to take my wife on a little out-of-province trip, but I don't want to break the budget. I'm hoping to hit upon a solution that can be both adventurous and inexpensive.

Here are the possibilities I've come up with so far....

Monowings. So cool that commentary is superfluous. The only drawback appears to be the potential for mild road rash acquisition upon landing.

The Personal TravelBox. It comes with a reading tablet, safety belt, an electric battery, a port-a-potty, running water, light and ventilation and the guarantee that its occupant will remain unseen. I find this concept strangely attractive.

Motorized Stairway. Almost all the excitement of boarding an aeroplane. However, cross-continental travel times are a bit of a throwback to the days of the Oregon Trail.

Fake Husband. No matter how you look at it, my beloved would get a great vacation from all that vexes her and we would save 50% on the trip.

Sir Francis Drake Memorial Royal Retirement Go-carts. But we might be back to those Oregon Trail travel times. I only have a week for this trip.

A Nice Reliant Automobile, the one just to the left of the sharp-dressed go-cart driver. Yes, we could put out a hundred or two for a beater and then abandon it in a corn field when we're done with it.

A Discount Airline. Oh, never mind.

Proletariat Blimp. This option is almost as cool as the Monowings.

Motorized Picnic Table. We'd pack a lunch, of course.

A Blockhead Car. Sorry Gummby.

Gummby's Car. He likes Canadians. I'm sure he wouldn't mind driving it up here to lend to us.

Mandarin Ice Fishing Hole Cutting Machines. Lake Erie is frozen over pretty good right now. As long as we stick to a true trajectory we shouldn't break through.

Goldfish Chauffeur. The fish steers the vessel by its movements. A camera above the cockpit tracks the movements of the fish (aka the Terranaut). Its location is then wirelessly transmitted to a remote mobile processing station (RMPS) where the data is converted into motion commands and transmitted back to the motion controller of the vehicle. We'd have to pay the RMPS to drive along behind us, which may adversely impact the economics of this mode.

Motorized Egg. This is not cool.

Good Witch of the South Travelling Bubble. Like many of my favourites, this mode is aerial. But I fear its exploitation may damage my image.

That's it. That's all I've got. Time's running out and I can't decide. There is wisdom in many friends. Help me out?


Charles Sebold said...

One word: TARDIS.

Kim said...

Well, I have a feeling that no matter what mode of travel is selected, there is a very good chance that my hair will be very messy at the end of the journey.

Even So... said...

Mr. Sebold you have 100% ticked me off!!!!

I was going through that whole thing hoping, praying that he didn't mention our beloved Doctor so that I could be head geek, (enter Steve Martin)...BUT had to go and ruin everything, didn't you...

Oh, and if you happen to find the key of Rassilon, let me know, I dropped it somewhere...geek...


Gummby said...

Cool as that Mattmobile is, and tempting as the TARDIS is, I'll have to go with the blimp.

The big problem with the TARDIS, after all, is that getting there is all the fun, since you can't actually be guaranteed of getting to where you intended to go. (I'm ignoring, for the moment, the possibility that travelling with a quirky alien timelord in a busted time machine that looks like a police box and getting into all sorts of dangerous situations might not be fun for some people, or Princesses).

The blimp, on the other hand, brings back fond cinematic memories, from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to The Rocketeer to Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow. Many more films available here.

Now, if someone can just explain ice fishing to me...

Gummby said...

P.S. Isn't TARDIS actually six words?

BugBlaster said...

Matt, ice fishing is great fun. Here is a shot of my last catch.